Boy, I wish I was smart. Not just every day smart like I know what's happening over in the House of Commons. No sir. I wish I was pompously, ostentatiously smart. I'd enjoy watching people squirm as I rhymed off obscure facts about French philosophers like Michel Eyquem de Montaigne. I'd look down my nose at the office book club as I read Ann L. Bergren's latest book "The Etymology And Usage Of Peirar In Early Greek Poetry".
I'd fancy myself a sesquipedalian, and I'd use my awesome poly-syllabic words to stupefy the serving staff at Stella's. Oh sure, I already use juicy words like bombastic, ameliorate, inculcate and penultimate, almost daily in fact. But if I were smarter, my lexicon would most definitely include such gems as gasconading, vituperate, abligurition, and excogitate. And in case you were wondering: the answer is yes. I most certainly would use my brilliance for evil.
Alas, I don't think I'll ever be that smart. Mediocrity is somehow more appealing to me as I can count on it involving salty snacks and excessive screen time. So instead I think I'll be clever and efficient. Next time I want to impress someone, maybe I'll just fabricate some intelligence via Smugopedia (http://www.smugopedia.com/).
Hoo-boy, now that's smart.